Stranger in my skin

I almost forgot this existed. Just as I have forgotten myself in the mundane never changing, but always expanding life. My newborn is now almost 3 years old. In only another week. Really not sure how that happened. My anxiety is better. Depression is somewhat better. Both of those were replaced with a short fuse. It doesn’t take much for me to tear my sons head off for any little thing. Then, I feel like the biggest asshole. He has started saying “i’m sorry you’re made, mommy”. Melts my heart every time, but it doesn’t seem to sink in until I do it again. It’s nothing major. It’s the repeating myself for him to do something about 10 times and on the 11 attempt it comes out as a loud and stern voice….maybe a yell. I hate it. I had that as a child from my sperm donor, and promised I would never raise my voice. Maybe it’s in the DNA and I can’t get around it. I’m hoping that finding an outlet for my frustrations will help make me a little calmer and patient with him. Time will tell.

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